why is the measure of love loss?

on jeanette winterson's written on the body

"Why is the measure of love loss?"

This is the opening line of Jeanette Winterson's novel Written on the Body. It is such a beautiful opening line and reading it for the first time immediately drew me in. The novel asks the questions: do we only value love once it is gone? Is grief the price of love? Where does our love go once everything is lost?

Throughout the book, we follow a nameless narrator going through multiple affairs and relationships until they meet a woman named Louise. The narrator is instantly drawn to Louise and their affair is both complicated and tragic.

"Love belongs to itself, deaf to pleading and unmoved by violence. Love is not something you can negotiate."

Winterson ponders on the nature of love. How it's something that we can't really control. She writes about how "love demands expression" and that "it will not stay still, stay silent, be good, be modest, be seen and not heard." Love can be consuming and we see that in the narrator's relationship with Louise, the desire and longing that they have for each other.

"How long before the shouting starts? How long before the tears and accusations and the pain? That specific stone in the stomach pain when you lose something you haven’t got round to valuing? Why is the measure of love loss?"

"To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don’t get over it because ‘it’ is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes."

Is this truly how love is measured? By the amount of grief that we feel once we have experienced loss. The overflowing of love from our hearts that now has nowhere else to go.

The feelings that the narrator has towards Louise is intense and emotional and we can see how deeply both characters are affected by it.

Winterson writes about grief in such a raw but beautiful way. It's true that when we lose someone we love, our life will forever be altered and changed. It's the human condition. Everyone deals with grief in different ways but we can't ignore the impact that it will have on our lives.

The way grief creeps up on us can be quiet and devastating. I believe that you can still grieve for someone that you have lost, someone that you have immense love for—be it a lover or a friend—even if they're still alive.

"Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. What then kills love? Only this: Neglect. Not to see you when you stand before me. Not to think of you in the little things. Not to make the road wide for you, the table spread for you. To choose you out of habit not desire, to pass the flower seller without a thought."

Written on the Body is a novel that I will be thinking about for a long time. It's truly such a beautiful and poetic story that deeply explores love, loss, desire, and grief.

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